Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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