At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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