So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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