why didn't you poke me back
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
