just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
