i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
