if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
