I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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