i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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