Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
