So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
