New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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