I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
