You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
