Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
