The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
whose parrot is this?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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