Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
