Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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