i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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