its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
