if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
