from now on my penis is your penis
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
