I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
