I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize