I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
