if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
