I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
