Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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