We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My cat gives me a boner
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
