Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
