I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
