His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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