Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize