the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
