it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
