I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
