Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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