Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is the high leading the old right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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