Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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