I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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