drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
