Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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