Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
