1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
