And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
