im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
