everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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