they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the day after is always just damage control
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
