Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
