how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think people are normalizing furries
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize