She is in my trunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
