he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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