Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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