Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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