Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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