"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
