Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she smelled like a LAN party
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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