why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
