i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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