508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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