I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
