i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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