I think I died a long time ago.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she peed on how many people?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
