And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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