If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
