sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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