just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize