Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
