is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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