Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's never too late to be topless.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
