Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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