good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
