I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
