I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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