woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
