literally had 100 drinks last night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
