i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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