I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize