i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
