is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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