what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
