What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
