This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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