Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
