Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize