good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
