some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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