the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
