So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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